Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Thoughts of Michèle


missbhavens said...

I have no idea what to say, but I feel like I should say something. There's really nothing I can say. That's the strange thing about death: it's just so strange. That looks stupid now that I've typed it, but it's true. It's strange, stupid and wrong. It's numbing and weird. Vacuum-ish. Nothing feels right. You want to "do" something but it feels wrong to "do" anything. And when it's not your immediate family, there is no scrambling to "take care" of things, no death-related chores to concentrate on. There's just an empty weirdness. As much as it pains me to say it, there's not much else I can think to do other than drink wine and get sleepy. I hate that I said that, but I truly do believe it. I know that's what I'd be doing, unhealthy though it may be. After the drinking and sleepiness, meeting up with mutual friends and talking about good times seems like the next logical step.

Oh, Bev. I'm just so sorry. I can't imagine losing such a close friend like that. I can barely imagine what it's like to have a friend for fifty years. You say things to yourself like "Yes. My family members will die. So will my friends. So will I." You can say this daily but it can't ever really prepare you for it. It never really sinks in, no matter how many loved ones have passed. It's never familiar emotional territory. You'd think after so many losses it would be, but you know that it isn't.

Right now I'm imagining reaching across the country to give you a long hug. Or a pat on the hand. Or a piece of cake. Or whatever might give you even a shred of comfort.

Make sure you get some sleep, Bev.

Jay Dedman said...

yeah, i hate sickness and death. Probably because my mom has been sick all her life. Just don't like to be around it since I don't know how to handle it.

It's funny though...I'm actually really interested in what my own death will be lie. Get to answer the big question, "is there anything else?"

Glad to know you're up in Davis. If you ever get down to SF, Ryanne and I would love to cool for you. we'll even have chicken: http://ryanishungry.com/2007/10/16/stone-soup-we-know-where-our-food-comes-from/

Just give me a call: 917 371 6790

Jay Dedman said...

a better URL is here: http://tinyurl.com/ype97p
if you're a vegetarian, dont watch!

Bev Sykes said...

Thanks for the invite, Jay. I may take you up on it...after the chicken has been killed and plucked. (I tried watching that video before and I'm afraid I only made it thru half of it!)

Anonymous said...

Hey Bev. Last year we connected through Nablopomo, and now I found you again. I'm so sorry to hear of your year and its sadness. It's hard to know what the forces that be want from us in this type of situation. God knows I have no clue.

I'm around, if you want to vent.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry.
I hope that 2008 and beyond are better years and that you can have a long break from grief.